October 18, 2021

Message January 16th, 2022

Hi. It's quite a while, isn't it?
Today, I've been up from my bed, taking a ride around the place we've ever been. I bought my favorite coffee in a large size by myself. And then you know what? I just realize that I had never bought it alone before. You always bought it for me, or at least We bought it together even that's my favorite tho. 

I stand for a long time, lookin' at my favorite restaurant. But I never logged in after that. There are too many people around, and I don't feel comfortable with it. It was strange, remembered I always come up to eat even I should go there alone before. For a very short moment in my life I know that You will always have time for me, You come to every place I want to go, get everything I want, and be involved in every plan I've been made. But once again, You only ever were, and everything was lately in the past. 

I take my time to think right after You leave, that maybe I never really try to know about You more, your favorite dish, your favorite coffee taste, kind of stuff You really want to have, or the kind of movie You truly want to watch in the cinema. And at least maybe I just never ask. Once again We always ended up doing anything I want to do back then. I never know that You really enjoy this kind of thing, or You just tryin' to make sure I'm enjoy our time together.  Then now, It's funny that I found all the things I can remembered of us is only something about me. 

And there you are, between the uncertainly things, you do your best just to make sure that I feel comfortable with it. I'm sorry that I realize it just now, and seems quite late to say thank you for every single thing you did. I can't say that I wasn't dissapointed at the first time You come up with the decision You make, I hate and I can't hide that I'm sad. 

I take a lot of time just to found that your decision was right. Every mistake was on me. That's why I ended up losing a friend, and someone I started to rely on. Althought I can't really thank you after all of that. Because meeting you is like creating a new me. It was never easy to come back to who I was before. That's why my mind feels full of regret "maybe it would be better if we were never meet before, or at least we never ended up hoping for each other feeling back then". 

Even there will never be a chance to said thank you and I'm sorry. I wish I can said to you early that You don't lose anything, You deserve the best in life. Whatever happend, and for everything that has passed, keep growing up. Be the best version of yourself because I know you can. Filled you up with self love, because when you're a good person, you never lose people, only people will lose you.